Listen
by storyteller629
Summary: This is another hiatus story, mostly cannon. As with many others, Annie came back, but the segue back into her old life may be more difficult than either she or Auggie anticipated. Told mostly from Auggie's perspective. I don't own these characters.
1. Chapter 1

This is another hiatus story. As with many others, Annie came back, but she still has to adjust. Told mostly from Auggie's perspective. I don't own these characters.

* * *

_The first duty of love is to listen._  
-Paul Tillich

It was her thrashing in the bed that stirred him first. Auggie sat up quickly, and for just a moment, he wondered why it was so dark. He cursed under his breath for forgetting his blindness. Then he remembered that something had caused him to sit up in bed. He swallowed in an attempt to minimize the sound of his heart pounding in his ears so he could further assess the situation. He heard a whimper and felt the bed jerk again. Auggie took a breath when he put the pieces together.

"Walker," he said gently, and reached toward her side of the bed. He found an elbow and tenderly moved up her arm to her shoulder. He shook her with a firm but reassuring touch. She'd been having these episodes frequently enough for Auggie to know not to be too gentle, too close, or too startling when he pulled her out of her dream land, lest he be considered a threat. In the early days of the nightmares, Auggie dodged quite a few close calls, and even sported a shiner for a few days. Since they came back to the states, Auggie felt like the frequency of these night terrors had increased.

With another firm shake, Annie lurched away from him with a gasp. He gave her just a moment before he replaced his hand on her firmly. "Shh," he whispered to her, "you're OK, Annie." He heard her sigh and felt her move her hand up to her face. She must have cried in her sleep again, Auggie reasoned.

She curled tightly into herself. Auggie slid next to her, his arm moved around her as he pressed up to her back. He placed a kiss in her hair and laid quietly. He'd also learned that Annie didn't want to talk after these nightmares, and he couldn't much blame her. As much as his heart ached to watch her go through this, he remembered his own experiences with night terrors. He was all too familiar with the anxiety of not being able to trust your unconscious mind, and the shame when it betrayed you. He quietly counted her breaths until they came at a steady tempo, then allowed himself to drift back to sleep.

She was gone from the bed by the time his alarm beeped the next morning. He turned off the alarm and crawled out of bed. As he sat up, the smell of fresh coffee met his nose. He slipped on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers and wandered out into the kitchen. He made an effort to keep things light, but he'd decided last night that it was time to talk about this.

"Good morning," he said, his voice light and a smile on his face. He needed to locate her in the room before he delved into discussions about her well-being.

"Good morning," he heard Annie reply quietly, accompanied with the sound of her shifting in a kitchen table chair. He moved to get a cup of coffee before he sat down next to her.

It was typical that their first few interactions after a night like last night were stilted and awkward. Usually, Auggie was able to crack a joke and they would move forward as though the incident never happened. Today, he sat down and paused while he took a sip of coffee and thought about how to broach the subject.

He reached one hand out towards her. The other hand gripped his coffee cup, and he waited for her to take his offered hand. When she did, he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "Annie," he paused as he felt her hand pull away slightly. "The nightmares, are they getting worse?" Now her hand pulled away completely, and she was silent. He tried to maintain his composure, but he felt his heart race.

Without being able to see her face, he struggled with his next move. He felt his brow furrow in concern, but tried to move back to a neutral expression. His hand remained on the table, palm up- an open invitation.

Auggie waited for what seemed an eternity before he spoke again. "Annie?" he prodded. He heard her shift in the chair.

"Yeah," she replied. Her voice was quiet, distant. Auggie wiggled his fingers again and hoped she would take his hand. He knew what he planned to say next was the real point of the conversation, so he steeled himself and started again.

"You know I'm the first to avoid talking about my feelings," he said, and tried to give a half smile, "but maybe it's time to talk to someone about this. It doesn't have to be someone from the agency. I mean, Dr. Wilkins wasn't bad, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to have much to do with the agency right now. I know some of the guys from Proper Exit have worked with a few local doctors that specialize in PTSD. I'm not diagnosing you," he rushed, his nerves caused him to babble, "I just want to do what I can." He bit his tongue from saying more. He knew pushing too hard could be detrimental, and he was afraid he already had.

He felt his jaw go slack when he heard her chair scrape back against the floor. He started to feel nauseous.

He tried to remain calm. Maybe she just needed more coffee before the conversation continued.

She didn't move toward the kitchen. When he heard her unlock the door he turned reflexively, unable to mask the panic on his face. "Not fair, Walker." He tried not to yell, but only half succeeded. His voice cracked. "You can't run out on a blind man and expect him to chase you!" He heard the anger in his voice, but there was nothing he could do to contain it.

He hated to play the blind card, and he hated himself almost immediately for making it about him. When he heard the door close, he wasn't sure which side of it she was on, and he stayed frozen in his seat, his hands cradling his head. Auggie blinked back tears and cursed quietly. He'd run the possible scenarios in his head, and he knew this was one of them, but he'd pushed it aside. He sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

"You think I want this?" her voice was quiet but icy. She must have been leaning against the door. His head jerked in her direction. He was still panicked and scared, which manifested itself as anger. Auggie recognized the signs, and decided that he'd let her guide the conversation. He waited for her to continue.

Now her voice had more of an edge to it, "You think I haven't thought about seeing someone?" she asked. He pursed his lips. "Well, I have. And you're right. I don't really want to see anyone at the agency. I know my choices about Henry were mine to make, but it doesn't mean I'm still not angry that I felt forced to do it." Auggie nodded curtly in response. Her voice sounded more exasperated. "I can't see a civilian shrink. You know even with doctor patient confidentiality, I can't afford to read in a civilian. " Auggie did know. He knew she was assigned to mandatory counseling through the agency weeks ago, but from what little he could get from her, it sounded like she stonewalled her assigned therapist.

Annie's anger continued to swell, and when he didn't respond, she lashed out. "You can't fix me, Auggie. I'm not an op that can be righted with a quick escape plan. You aren't going to swoop in and save me, so just get over it and stop, OK?"

Auggie blew out a small breath to make sure he was calm enough to continue the conversation. He hated that she was still hovering near the door. He wanted more than anything to confidently walk to her and hold her in his arms, but he knew she'd run. He was going to need a new strategy.

Auggie aimed for the truth. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment while he tried to figure out where to begin. He kept his body still.

"I'm not trying to fix you," he said quietly. "And you might not believe me, but I do know a thing or two about feeling like your life isn't your own any more." He paused to see if she had a reaction. He was met with silence, and decided to power on. "I know I told you about my accident, about what led to it, but I've never talked about my recovery. Not with you, not really with anyone." Auggie took another deep breath to ease the butterflies in his stomach.

Now he turned in the chair so he faced towards the door. He was met with more silence.

He had a brief moment of uncertainty. "You don't have to say anything, but can you give me some sort of sign that I'm not talking to an empty apartment right now?" He asked while he twisted his face to a half smile. He wanted to keep it light, but he knew this was a conversation he did not want to have to repeat.

Her voice was quiet and small. "Yea," she croaked before she cleared her throat. "I'm here."

Auggie released the breath he didn't realize he held. "OK, thanks," he replied. Suddenly he felt exposed in only his pajama bottoms. He sat sideways in the chair, his body turned towards her, and leaned his elbows on his knees. He squeezed his hands into fists a few times. He wished he had something to fidget with, and debated refilling his coffee cup, just to give his hands something to do. He worried that any big movements would startle her, and decided against it. It was time to follow through on what he'd just promised her. He bit the inside of his lip before he began.

"When I got stateside," he started, and now clasped his hands together as he leaned forward. He started again. "By the time I got stateside, it was pretty well known that I'd never see again. They sent me to the VA hospital near my folks for a few months of inpatient rehab. The first few weeks, I was a mess. I refused visitors. I tore through my room, smashed everything I could throw. I refused to comply with any of the therapy they'd planned for me. They had to put me in a veiled bed at night so I wouldn't hurt myself. They even had to restrain me more than once and sedate me for my own safety." He swallowed and wrung his hands. "There were suicide assessments, watches, talks of antipsychotics- my memories of that time are a bit hazy, to say the least. I just remember being filled with such-" he paused to try and find a word to describe the feeling, "rage, I guess. I was just hurting so much and I hated everything that happened and everyone that wanted me to move forward. I was so angry and so disconnected from everything that I didn't see the point in learning to be someone I didn't want to be. I didn't see how I could live without my sight. So much of my identity was wrapped in my job, and without my sight, I was sure I'd never work again. Of course, since my status at The Agency was not officially tied to my service, it felt like no one really understood how much I'd lost."

He stopped for a moment, while he tried to shake the feelings that rushed back to him. He leaned his head down and ran his hands through his hair, hoping to shake off the lingering discomfort. While he debated where to continue with his story, he heard her clear her throat again. He froze.

"What changed?" she asked. He couldn't tell if she was really curious or if it was what she thought she should say, but he tried to believe it was the former.

"Well, like I said, the first few weeks were hard. They took a toll on everyone that worked with me, and, honestly, on me. One day one of the counselors that I'd refused to see came charging into my room while I was still in the veiled bed. He told me that he'd undo the safeties on the bed, and if I wanted someone to beat on, I could beat on him, as long as I found my own damned way out of the bed." Auggie smiled at the memory.

"I'd later come to learn that Doctor Ben Kingsley was a real ball-buster. He'd been injured in action- lost his left arm in Desert Storm. But I still firmly believe that had I made my way out of the bed that day, he would have kicked my ass six ways from Sunday. As it was, I wasn't yet attuned to my surroundings enough to realize where he'd started to unzip it from the outside, so I spent a good thirty minutes throwing myself at the netting, screaming things that would make a sailor blush until… until I just couldn't anymore." Auggie felt his body involuntarily tense at the wash of feelings that moved over him. "I, uh, I guess that's what you'd call a turning point for me. I went from anger to a really deep depression. I started to comply with more of what they wanted, but it was more in defeat than by choice. That's when, um," he swallowed with the admission, "that's when my nightmares were the worst, and the headaches were bad during the days. I didn't see a way out, and, uh, and I started to think about really ending it all." Auggie felt a tear rise in the corner of his eye and brushed it away. He let out an unsteady breath. "I uh, I've never told anyone that, except Ben," he said as his voice shook. He heard her shift across the room, and he fought the urge to move to her. What he wanted was to be wrapped in her arms, but it wasn't fair to ask that of her right now. He took another deep breath before he continued and squeezed his hands together.

"Ben came by everyday. At first, we didn't talk much. Actually, I didn't talk at all. He would come in for the session with some toy or something to keep himself busy. One day it was a tennis ball that he bounced as he moved around the room. Another day, he had a remote controlled car that he drove around and kept banging into my legs until I could anticipate it coming and kicked it out of the way. I didn't realize it then, but he was trying to help train my auditory acuity, since I wouldn't participate in the sessions with the OTs and PTs. That went on for another few weeks. They regulated some meds for me, including antidepressants." Auggie shook his head a bit, still a bit ashamed that he needed as much chemical assistance as he had during that time.

"I wish I could say there was a moment where I felt better, but there wasn't. Ben was probably singlehandedly the biggest contribution to my recovery. He started to bring the other specialists in with him so they could do their jobs, and stayed with them so I wasn't spooked. My first month there was wasted in anger and depression, but my next two were more productive. I let my family see me, but I still felt alone. I barely knew my new self, I didn't understand how they could accept the person I was forced to change into." Auggie paused. This was what he wanted to tell her. He had to tell her everything to get there, but this was what he wanted her to know.

After a moment, he continued. "I don't want to fix you, but I do want you to know that I am here. And you can rail against me all you want, but I am going to be here, no matter what." He let out another big sigh, exhausted by the admission and the recollections. He reached back to his mug to drain the last bit of coffee, then cradled the cup in his hands, just so he had something to do with them. When he could bear the silence no longer, Auggie tipped his head.

"Thoughts?" he asked quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Um," Annie cleared her throat and shifted. Her voice came from lower in the room this time. He didn't realize that she must have slid to a sitting position while he spoke. "Thank you," she said quietly, but Auggie could tell there was more.

"What are you thinking?" he asked. He immediately regretted it. He didn't want to fish for her comfort, it wasn't what he was looking for. "I mean-"

"No, I understand," she began and he heard her shift again as she spoke. Now her voice traveled toward him with accompanying footfalls. He heard her sit in the chair she'd vacated. Auggie felt cautiously optimistic. She didn't run.

"Really," her voice was quiet as she continued. "Thank you." He felt her brush her hand against his knee, as though she couldn't decide whether to make contact or not. He just nodded and waited for her to continue. She cleared her throat, and he put his mug back on the table.

"Annie?"

"I think I should find my own place," she said quietly.

Auggie exhaled sharply. His brain scrambled for an appropriate response while he simultaneously tried to stop the tears from springing to his eyes. He was pretty sure he'd covered the shock and panic, but he couldn't be sure.

"Auggie, I-"

He leaned forward and quickly ran his fingers through his hair, giving a tug at the roots. Now he wanted to run, but he willed his body to stay put, despite the panic coursing through his core.

Annie must've said something else, but Auggie hadn't heard.

"Auggie?" she asked. He gave one more tug on his scalp, as thought it would help quell the swirl of emotions that pulsed through him.

"Oh, sorry, sorry, I didn't hear-"

"I said that I still love you," she said, and he could hear the emotion in her voice. The pragmatic part of his brain rationalized that maybe the conversation wouldn't go where he dreaded.

"I don't want-" he started, but she cut him off.

"Wait. Just listen for a minute, okay?" He felt a soft touch on his knee and reflexively startled a bit. "Sorry," she said, and pressed her hand more firmly just above his knee. Despite his confusion, Annie's touch was comforting.

"Auggie, I love you," she started again. "And I know you love me. But you were right: I don't feel like me right now." Auggie shifted slightly, a reassurance of comfort on his lips, but he felt her hand tense on his knee and let the comment go. "I know you want to help, but I'm just about as stubborn as you are." She paused briefly when a faint smile crossed his lips. Her voice lifted slightly, which told him she smiled in return. "You are a great man, Auggie, and I am so incredibly lucky to know you have my back. But, I don't want to take advantage of that."

Again, Auggie bit his tongue to let her continue. "I appreciate that you can understand where I am coming from. And like you, I have to do it my own way. You've been walking on eggshells since I came back." Her breath hitched a little and her hand left his leg. There was a pause, and a deep breath before she finished. "I don't like who I am right now, and I want to be better, because you deserve better."

Auggie felt the panic rise in him again. "This sounds like it's headed in the direction of a conversation we've had before, Walker," he said, and suddenly he was exhausted. The nights of disrupted sleep and the emotional rollercoaster of the last half hour made Auggie want to acquiesce to whatever she wanted, no matter the cost to him. At the same time, he knew he wouldn't let her walk away. It wasn't an option. Auggie could feel the tension in his jaw tug the base of his skull and start to gnaw its way to a headache.


	4. Chapter 4

The talk lasted another half hour, and after a week of awkward coexisting, Annie moved her things into a new apartment not far from Auggie's place. Auggie had done his due diligence and vetted the leasing agency. He even brought over what the lady from the nursery assured him was a healthy, but hardy, aloe plant as a housewarming gift. From there, he let her take the initiative.

Things fell into a routine pretty quickly. Auggie resumed his work day schedule. He knew Annie continued her leave with a regimen of yoga classes, the mandated counseling sessions, and evening kickboxing classes. Two or three nights a week, she brought dinner to his apartment, where they ate together. She'd only stayed over once, although they had fallen into bed more regularly than that. Typically he let her slip out when she thought he was asleep. He was pretty sure she knew he was awake when she left, but neither he nor she wanted to broach the subject. The night terrors were less frequent than before, but he couldn't tell if they were getting better or if she was waiting them out in his presence.

It was a Tuesday night when Annie arrived at his apartment. Her voice was chipper, but maybe with a bit too much saccharine. Auggie heard the bag in her arms rustle as she placed it on his kitchen island and the smell of Thai.

"Taste of Siam?" he asked, although he was sure he knew the answer. It was one of the few take out places between his apartment and hers.

"Yep," she said as he heard her unpack the contents. "Class ran a bit late tonight, so I figured I'd go with a standby." When she'd served them both, she moved to the kitchen table with their plates while Auggie grabbed two beers from the fridge.

They ate together in a comfortable silence. At least, Auggie assumed it was comfortable, until he heard the sound of her pushing the food around her plate. "Something on your mind, Walker?" he asked, as he placed his fork down on the side of his plate. He heard a quick inhale of breath, which she held onto. He started to worry.

"I, um," Annie started and then cleared her throat gently. Another deep breath, this time released before she continued. "I was at my counseling session today with Dr. Wilkins."

For once, Auggie was, for lack of a better term, blindsided. Annie had been pretty mum on the subject of counseling since their blowup six weeks prior, and Auggie never asked. He quickly tried to put the pieces together. She must have switched counselors in the last few weeks to Dr. Wilkins. Auggie felt the corners of his mouth tug into a smirk as his mind flashed to some of their more peculiar standoffs. He tried to cover the smirk with a lick of his lips, but he knew it was useless. As good as Annie was at doing cold reads of people's microexpressions, she was an expert in his. Auggie always thought it an unfair advantage.

Whether she chose to ignore his reaction or, he doubted, had missed it, she continued to speak when he arched his eyebrows at her. "Well, we were uh, we were talking about me and my new place, which sort of led to talking about me and you, and uh-" he heard her pause as she tucked a leg under her in the chair. He tried to temper his breathing, but he felt his body tense. She must have read him that time, because she quickly amended her statement. "Nothing bad. Oh god, sorry, I probably should have led with that." A nervous giggle escaped her lips while Auggie released a breath.

"Sorry," Annie started again. "What I was going to say is that she, Dr. Wilkins," she clarified, "suggested that we do some sessions together." Annie's speech started to pick up speed, "I know you guys have a history that I'm not really privy to, so she said that if you don't want us to see her, she could recommend someone else. She has a colleague that she says is very discreet, and she sends him couples when the spouse isn't part of The Agency, so he's used to a very high level of confidentiality. It's just that with everything that's happened in the last year- I know you don't like to talk about feelings, but-"

"Hey," Auggie said, as he cut her off. He reached a hand across the table, and she placed her cold one in his. With her cold touch, he realized how nervous she was. He scooted his chair back from the table while he used her hand to guide her around the table toward him.

"I'm in," he said, as she followed his lead. When she was close enough, he used his other hand to move her hips perpendicular to him and sit her across his lap. He wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. He could smell a mixture of her shampoo and body wash, fresh from the shower she must have managed to squeeze in after kickboxing class. "Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'm in, Walker," he murmured as she snaked her arms around his neck. He felt her body relax into him, and enjoyed the sensation of her in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered. Auggie felt her turn her face towards him, and anticipated a peck on the cheek. He moved his head at the last moment, and she caught him in the side of his mouth. He smiled as his hands moved up her body and cupped her face while he deepened the kiss. After weeks of dancing around the subject of her well being and their future together, Auggie had to admit to himself that he'd panicked a bit. He stood and let her slide down his body and grinned when he realized she wasn't going to break contact on the kiss. He bent his knees and placed his hands on the back of her thighs, lifting her up to wrap her legs around his waist. He counted the steps in his head to the few stairs that led to his bed.

"Auggie," she giggled, breaking the kiss. "What about our dinner?"

"It'll wait," he replied and moved up the stairs to the edge of the bed, where he lowered her down and crawled on top of her, placing kisses on her neck. Her moan told him that she acquiesced.

The next morning, Auggie rolled over to hit his alarm, taking the covers with him. He was first confused when he felt the covers yank back in the direction he'd come from accompanied by a groan, then he smiled. She'd stayed the night.


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later, Auggie was at his desk when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He checked the time, grabbed his laser cane from the desk drawer, and told Barber he was taking a long lunch. Based on Tim's skeptical reaction, Auggie knew he was going to have to offer some explanation later. It was atypical for Auggie to break long enough to eat lunch, much less leave the DPD to do so.

Auggie moved quickly across the office and to the elevators. Inside the elevator, he adjusted his tie and vest as the elevator descended. He hadn't had much time to be nervous. Annie had only texted him a few hours ago to ask him to meet her for their first counseling session. He'd set the alarm on his phone and delved right back into the code his team was working on.

When the elevator reached the correct floor, Auggie exited and turned to his left. He remembered the long hallway, and used his cane to make sure no potted plants had been precariously placed in his path. When he reached the end of the hallway, he paused in front of the door. He knew from experience that the door would open to a suite of offices. A chipper receptionist who sat behind what he assumed was a stylish, but welcoming desk would greet him. Auggie took a deep breath, suddenly aware of a knot in his stomach.

As he turned the handle, Auggie plastered a smile on his face. "Hello, there," he started and paused just long enough to hear what he knew to be the sound of papers shuffling and a body shift in a desk chair. "August Anderson for Doctor-"

"Auggie, you came!" exclaimed a voice to his right, where he remembered the couches to be. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his neck. He opened his arms and shifted his weight just in time to prevent them both from toppling.

"Did you have any doubt?" he asked with a smile as he caught a whiff of her shampoo. "I said I'd be here. Where else would I hide, anyway. I hear you know where I work." Auggie tried to keep it light, and he had to admit the knot had dissipated some since he heard her voice and had her in his arms. He appreciated her enthusiasm, but he wondered if she doubted him. There was a time when she would have saddled up next to him with a snide quip when he arrived.

Auggie snapped to attention when he heard a small throat clear coming from his 10 o'clock. "Ms. Walker? Mr. Anderson? Dr. Wilkins is ready for you." He smiled at the receptionist, and felt Annie's hand brush his as she offered a lead. Auggie took it naturally, and it felt good to have something come with such ease with her.

Auggie let Annie take the lead both physically and metaphorically as they moved into the office and Annie and the doctor exchanged pleasantries. Once inside, Auggie used his cane to scan the room. Three club chairs still sat in the middle of the room with a short table between them. Auggie assumed they were the same from his last visit, although if they'd been reupholstered, he'd hardly know.

"And good to see you again, Auggie," Dr. Wilkins was saying, a clear attempt to make him feel included in the conversation. He heard her stilettos move from the wooded floor to the carpet in the center of the room. Still single, he assumed.

"Dr. Wilkins," he nodded. "I noticed you changed your perfume since the last time I was here. It suits you. And how about your Redskins? Think they'll have anything on my Bears?" Auggie recognized that he was walking a fine line between being a smart ass and being rude, but he was a bit on edge. He'd let go of Annie's arm, and now tried to confidently move toward one of the club chairs. As much as he thought he was ready for this, the sensation of being back in this office was a little disconcerting. Auggie was taken back to the shame and hurt after Parker left. He sat quickly and ran his hands over the arms of the chair. He was definitely more nervous now.

It was clear Dr. Wilkins was on to his tricks. She shook off his quips and continued forward, seating herself across from them as she spoke. "It's been a while, Auggie. I hope you're doing well."

"Right as rain," he responded before he could think about it. Since when was he the guy that would say something like that? And Annie, what kind of read was Auggie giving off right now? He was sure it wasn't good. He wanted to take a deep breath and start again, but felt like it would be too obvious. Instead, he employed a little trick he'd learned from Ben in the early days after his injury. Auggie started by contracting the muscles in his feet, then calves, up to his quads and glutes, to his abdomen, his biceps, forearms, and finally his hands. The entire ritual took only a few seconds, but Auggie had done it so frequently, that he felt his body's program response almost immediately. It was a calming strategy he needed after his injury when he felt overwhelmed in public. He'd like to think he'd moved on from needing it, but he'd caught himself doing it more than once while Annie was gone.

Auggie tuned back into the conversation to hear Annie reply with an affirmative. He briefly wondered what question he might have missed, and whether he was supposed to respond as well. He couldn't tell if the women had shifted their attention towards him, but he didn't have time to dwell.

"Which is why Annie thought it would be good if you both came in, Auggie, given the little time you had together prior to her going dark and the impact that event had on you both." Auggie offered a half smile as Dr. Wilkins reviewed the pertinent timelines: how long they'd been together before they'd caught the case, how long fom that point before she'd gone dark, what their relationship looked like in that intermittent time, and what it looked like now. Auggie noticed that Annie let Doctor Wilkin's questions guide her responses, and didn't offer up any information about Helen's first visit and the subsequent fissure in their relationship. If she wasn't going to bring it up, he sure wasn't going to step into the fire. He was here because Annie wanted him to be, and he'd let her control the information as she saw fit.

Once Dr. Wilkins had the timeline established, Auggie noticed a subtle shift towards more open ended questions. "Which leads us to you getting you own place. Annie, would you give me a better picture of what led you to that choice?"

"Yea, um," Annie cleared her throat and began again. Auggie heard the nerves in her voice. This wasn't the operative Walker that he'd listened move through dozens of missions with just as many covers and hundreds of improvised responses. This was the Annie that had come back from Hong Kong- unsure, nervous, a coiled spring that he didn't want to set off.

"Um, yea, I told Auggie already, but I just felt like neither of us were happy and that maybe the space would help."

"And did it, Auggie?"

Auggie tilted his head up and shrugged. "Yea, Annie seems happier," he offered.

"And you? Are you happier?" Auggie should have anticipated the next question, but he'd been distracted.

He shrugged again. The truth was that he appreciated that they fell into a routine, because his life felt better when there was a routine. He would rather have her around, definitely. He didn't like worrying about her when she was gone. He didn't like waking up alone. He didn't want to say all of that though, because he didn't want her to feel guilty. So he tried to tread softly.

"I wouldn't have minded if she stayed," he said. It felt awkward to talk about Annie like she wasn't sitting next to him. He wasn't sure if his response was too noncommittal. He heard the sound of the doctor flipping a page in her pad. It always annoyed Auggie when he couldn't see what others wrote, especially if it was about him. Auggie ran through his calming sequence again. He couldn't afford to blow up this early in the game.

There was a moment of silence that appeared to stretch while Dr. Wilkins finished jotting her notes. Clearly, neither he nor Annie were going to offer up information willingly. For a brief moment, Auggie was glad he couldn't make awkward eye contact with anyone else in the room.

"While you have both seen me individually," the voice across the table began, "I realize I should have laid out the ground rules for being seen simultaneously. First of all, I want this to be a safe space. Neither of you should be afraid to say what you feel, and neither of you should punish or otherwise diminish the other person's feelings." There was a pause and Auggie felt as though he should nod to demonstrate that he understood.

"Because these sessions with the two of you are not mandatory, the notes I keep will be private, and will not be added to your permanent files."

"Can you really do that?" Auggie asked, his skepticism peaked.

"The work Annie and I are doing together more than meets the quality and quantity requirements for her mandatory counseling sessions."

"So the results of these sessions won't determine whether or not we work together in the field?" Auggie heard a small cough and amended his statement, "if and when Annie is ready to return?" Right. He had to stop assuming that she would charge on the way he had once he'd figured out how to move forward after his injury.

"I will not make any formal recommendations on your assignments based on these sessions," was the response that came from across the table. Auggie sighed. He knew the difference between formal recommendations and everything else. It wasn't a guarantee, but he supposed it was the best he could get from The Agency.

"Fair enough, I suppose." After all, he'd promised he'd come. There wasn't much he could do about what happened to the information once he shared it.

"Lastly, I want you both to remember that you will get out of this what you put in. I am not here to play referee, and I am not here to interrogate you. You are both well trained agents, and I know interrogation will get us all nowhere. So I will guide you, I will offer my insight, but ultimately it comes down to you."

Auggie shifted in his chair. He was sure her gaze was pointed at him, and probably Annie's to boot. He tried to look unaffected and leaned back in his chairs, one leg crossed ankle to knee across the other. "No problem," he said, "when do we start?"


	6. Chapter 6

Auggie heard the sound of another page flipped on the legal pad. A quick scribble of something on the pad, and the doctor spoke. "Let's start with family backgrounds. Annie, why don't you start?"

"Yea, OK. Well, my parents have been married 39 years. Dad is retired from the service, so we- my parents, my sister and I- moved around a lot."

"You've mentioned Danielle before. You said you were close." Auggie heard Annie's sharp intake of breath, and tilted his head in her direction.

"Yes," Annie replied quietly, "we were."

There was a tension in the room and although Auggie couldn't see Annie, he imagined her to be wound tight and ready to burst. He wanted to help her, so he did the only thing he could think of. He took his ankle down from the knee it rested on, shifted in his chair, and then recrossed his legs, opposite ankle to knee. He wanted his body language to read open, so he leaned back further in his chair.

"I assume you'll want to hear about the Anderson brood next? I'll give you the quick recap. Parents have been married 48 years, and I am the youngest of 6. All boys, might I add. Most still reside within 30 miles of my parent's place in Illinois. All of whom are dyed in the wool Bears fans, but don't get us started on the White Sox vs. the Cubs- there are traitors amongst us." Auggie offered a smile in hopes that his distraction served its purpose.

Another page turn, more scribbling, and a voice that told him he might have walked into a trap. "OK, Auggie, now tell me more about your relationship with your parents and brothers? Are you close to them?"

Auggie heard Annie shift in her chair. He wasn't sure if she'd merely shifted her position for comfort or to get a better read on him. He forced himself to fight the urge to lean forward and close in on himself. He needed to remain open.

"We keep in touch," he offered, and was going to leave it at that. Something told him he needed to offer more, "some more than others, you know how big families are."

"Did your relationship change significantly after your accident?" she probed, and Auggie tried not to bristle.

He swallowed. "Yea, I guess. But I don't imagine that's much of a surprise."

"Do they know the true nature of your work?"

"My brother Caleb does," Auggie nodded. He didn't want to offer more on his hypotheses of who suspected, who was in the dark, and why Josh hadn't spoken to him since he declared his intentions to returning to D.C.

"How did you read him in?" Auggie tried not to visibly grate his teeth at the never ending questions.

"Accidentally, mostly. He came to D.C. shortly after I returned to work. Something slipped out of my messenger bag one day, and I missed it." Auggie shrugged as he remembered the conversation. Caleb had suspected, but he was still pissed. He'd walked out of the apartment, and Auggie managed to drink half a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red before Caleb returned. It was after that night that he'd given up cheap scotch and switched to Patron.

"And since then," the doctor probed. Auggie resisted rolling his eyes for effect.

"Since then, we touch base every few weeks, and I haven't had to read anyone else in my family in."

"Why do you think that is?"

"Mostly because I've let go of my need to carry classified documents with me that I can't keep track of." Auggie felt the edge in his voice and heard Annie shift next to him. "No offense, doc, but shouldn't we be focusing on us, not just me?"

"Annie has already told me much of her family history. This information is important. The relationships people have with their families is often what they learn from, and thereby replicate whether they realize it or not."

"Fair enough," Auggie stated. He was a little put off that he was the only one on the hot seat, since Annie apparently had already been interrogated.

As though she could sense his growing frustration, Dr. Wilkins moved on. "So you were involved in your professional relationship for three years before it became more?"

Auggie nodded as he heard a simultaneous "yes" from beside him.

"During those three years, you both dated other people?"

Another nod, and this time nothing from beside him. "You knew that, doc," he said bluntly, and he hoped she had the decency to at least look a little ashamed for fishing for information.

"Right," was her curt reply, "I recall the circumstances around our last meeting. You were engaged, correct? To…"

"Parker," he finished for her.

"Parker, yes. And did you date anyone between then and Annie?"

"No," Auggie replied firmly.

"And Annie, after you lost," there was a pause as Auggie heard a quick shift through some pages, "Simon, did you date anyone else?"

"No," she replied. He thought to that time in their lives. The shooting, her recovery, their separate trips to Amsterdam, the arrival home. Somehow, he was nostalgic for what seemed now like a more simple time.

Auggie passed his fingers lightly over his wristwatch. Assuming they had an hour scheduled, he was more than halfway through it.

"Tell me more about your relationship prior to the romance. How would you describe it to a friend or family member?"

"Auggie was my best friend. Is my best friend," Annie amended quietly. Auggie tried not to let his face echo the flip his stomach did when he heard her initial statement. He solemnly nodded.

"He was pretty much the first person I met when I left the Farm," Annie continued. Auggie smiled.

"Someone thought it would be funny to make the blind guy a tour guide," he said. He hoped his comment would somehow convey that he would let the earlier slip go.

"OK, good," Dr. Wilkins encouraged. "Keep going."

There was silence between them.

"Well," Annie started, "he was the voice in my ear for three years. He taught me about the job, the field, and how to keep myself safe." There was a shift in the chair, and Auggie assumed based on her voice that she was now looking at the floor. She continued, "I started to realize that the voice in my ear became the voice in my head. Even when I wasn't on a mission, I wanted him there."

"And this was shortly before you both acted on your feelings?"

There was a slight pause, but Auggie didn't jump in. He wanted to know, too. A small sigh escaped Annie's lips. It told him that she was going to tell the truth, but she wasn't going to like doing it. It was a tell that he was sure she didn't know about.

"I wouldn't say shortly," she started, "In fact, my sister noticed it almost a year before either of us acted on it. Then we both had circumstances that made it, um, difficult, to change things between us." Auggie clenched his jaw as he tried to work the math backwards. Once, in a pillow-talk induced haze, Annie had mentioned that Danielle would be pleased, but Auggie hadn't pushed further.

He couldn't help himself now. "How long," he asked. It was a question that had plagued him after she went dark. On those long nights when he wondered where she was, when he was angry at her for leaving, he wondered. On those nights filled with anger and regret, he doubted whether she cared for him at all. Sometimes he even managed to convince himself that he'd just been a good lay.

"A while," she responded, quietly.

"How long," he insisted as he leaned forward, elbows rested on his thighs. He nearly forgot where they were. He mentally checked himself to contain his responses.

He almost missed the small sigh. "Since before the car, for sure."

Again, mental math. Giving her the car felt like a lifetime ago. He thought back to that day. The plant. The conversation. The experimental trial. Parker. He swallowed hard. He was confused now. "But, Simon," he started, and let the question hang. He didn't know how to finish the question. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged at the roots.

"It started out as an assignment," she said in response. Her voice was quiet. "You were with Parker," she tried to explain, and Auggie felt her defenses go up with the shift in her voice.

Dr. Wilkins must have seen it too. "OK, let's take a moment to remember that these conversations are best served if there is honesty. And the only way that will happen is if you both listen to the other and appreciate the honesty. Can you do that?"

Auggie felt like a scolded child, but nodded as he sat up. Annie must have nodded too.

"Good. Now Annie, could you explain more about your interpretation of how the circumstances prevented you from acting on your feelings for Auggie?"

"I thought about telling him, but he told me about going to Africa for Parker."

"Good, Annie, but I'm going to stop you there. You aren't giving me a report. This is a conversation between you two, and you just happen to have someone in the room to guide it. Try to speak directly to Auggie, not me. OK, keep going," Dr. Wilkins finished.

"Then he- you- were gone, and it seemed like it was only a few weeks later that you planned to propose."

Auggie swallowed. Now that she was directing her comments at him, it was suddenly a lot more difficult to hear them. He had the urge to clarify, "As I recall, by the time I got back from Africa, you were swooning for Simon." He wanted it to be understood that he couldn't possibly have read her intentions when she was so clearly involved with someone else.

"Swooning?!" she asked, her voice raised. "That was an op."

"You fell in love with him, Annie! You were going to run away with him." Now both their voices were raised.

"I was-", Annie started, but then was cut off. Auggie was slightly surprised when he heard the voice from across the table.

"OK, let's take it back," she said, her calm voice undercutting the tension between the couple. "Clearly there is some new information coming to light, and that's good. Auggie, while you were with Parker, did you actively have feelings for Annie?"

"No," he said firmly. It hardly seemed like enough. On one hand, he didn't want to cheapen the feelings that led him to propose to Parker. They might have been misguided and rushed, but they were legitimate. On the other, he couldn't pretend that the moment in Annie's hospital room was the unearthing of new feelings. When he admitted it to himself, it wasn't new information, it was just the last piece in a puzzle. He'd tried to trace it back to the moment he'd fallen for her, but the feelings for her were a constant in his life since they'd met. He knew all of that, but he couldn't say it. Not here with an audience. He hardly understood it all himself. He couldn't risk trying to explain it and have it warped.

"Then Auggie, when would you consider your feelings for Annie to have shifted?"

"The hospital," he lied.


	7. Chapter 7

Four days later, Auggie was at the gym working through his regular routine. The rest of Friday's session had wrapped up pretty quickly, and they'd left with an assignment. They were tasked to each come up with what they thought their strength was as a couple. Auggie mulled the idea over the weekend, and he still didn't have an answer. Inherently, he knew that he still loved her. He knew she was one of the few people in his life that didn't think of him as blind first. But the challenge was in articulating it. What was the single most strength for them?

Auggie landed a left jab to the punching bag and danced back a step while the bag swung away from him. He stepped up with his right foot while and swung his right arm forward, satisfied with the solidity with which he connected to the bag. He waited for just a moment before landing a quick succession of jabs and an undercut.

"Keep your guard up," he heard a voice say to his 7 o'clock, and Auggie whirled in the direction of the voice. Before his visitor could warn him, Auggie felt the bag crash into his shoulder. He cursed.

"Sorry boss, I didn't mean to sneak up on you," Barber's voice sounded truly apologetic. "I thought you heard me come in."

"I didn't," Auggie grumbled as he rubbed his shoulder. It could have been a mistake that a sighted man made, but it still pissed him off.

"Sorry, man." Barber said again. "You were here early," he continued. You look like you're just wrapping up."

"Yea," Auggie responded. It was true. He usually worked out before work, but he came even earlier today. When Annie left the night before, Auggie wasn't able to fall asleep again. He had one more day until the next therapy session. Annie had thanked him profusely for joining her after the first one, and that was where the conversation ended. She'd been by for the first time last night, and the interactions were stilted.

Auggie plastered a smile on his face. He knew he'd been silent just a little too long. "Yea, well, I figured I'd get my workout in so I could put you through the paces. You ready to go?" Since Annie went dark, Barber seemed to understand Auggie's need to blow off energy, and had joined Auggie a few days a week after he kicked off his quest to be healthier. Auggie knew it wasn't Barber's favorite activity, but he appreciated the company some days. The men established a routine of cardio, weights, and hand to hand combat. Although Auggie's body was exhausted from a lack of sleep today, he welcomed the distraction.

He was spotting Barber on his last set of benchpresses when the man finally broached the topic. "So," Barber grunted as he pushed the barbell away from his body, "Annie know when she's coming back yet?"

"No," Auggie replied simply.

"But things are OK with you guys?" Auggie had to give the man credit. Barber learned to push past Auggie's standoffs in Annie's absence. He had more kahones than Auggie had originally given him credit for.

"Yea, I guess," Auggie replied, and the chink in his response was out before could stop it. He knew Barber heard it too. He tried to divert the conversation. "C'mon man, three more in this set and then I'll let you take a break."

There was silence while Barber grunted out his last three presses. Auggie hoped someone would join them in the gym and make it impossible for him to talk. Or at least awkward enough that he could push off the conversation to another time, and then a time after that. Deflecting was, after all, a specialty of his.

The loud clang of the barbell being replaced on the racks shook Auggie back to reality. He could only hear Barber's pants as he moved to sit up.

"Nice job, man," Auggie offered, and handed him his water bottle.

"Thanks, man," Barber replied and Auggie heard him take a long draw of water. More silence while Auggie tried to think of something that would sidetrack Barber enough to make him forget about his previous line of questioning. It being the off season for everything but hockey, Auggie failed to come up with something that could be discussed outside of the DPD walls.

"It must be hard having her back," Barber offered. Auggie gave a shrug and a nod at the same time. The truth was that it was hard, but there were other parts that felt good. "I mean, I know you knew she wasn't really dead, but still."

"Is there a question in there, Barber?" Auggie asked, and he recognized the coldness in his voice.

Barber faltered. "I mean, man, I just meant that if you wanna talk-"

Auggie softened. "Yea, I get it." Auggie thought about how much more information he wanted to disclose. "I think I'm good on talking for now. Annie has us seeing one of the company shrinks and it's got me a little on edge."

"Understandable boss," Barber agreed, and Auggie smiled as he offered the man a hand up.

* * *

**AN: Thanks all for the feedback. Confession: I hadn't actually seen the "Annie dark" episodes until I was writing this chapter. I knew the basics of the season and where things left off obviously, but I finally had a chance to watch the whole second half this week, which filled in a lot of tiny holes for me. **


	8. Chapter 8

"Auggie, what do you think about that," Dr. Wilkins asked, and Auggie took a moment to think. They were in their second session, and she'd asked them about the assignment from the previous session. Annie went first and said their greatest strength was their ability to work as a team. It was the answer Auggie wanted to give, but the more he thought on it, the more it didn't sit with him.

Auggie took a deep breath. He felt conflicted. He could agree with Annie, get through the rest of the sessions, and hope time helped smooth out the conflicts they both were stuttering through. He knew it was a cowardly way out, but the discomfort of not knowing the outcome if he disagreed made it seem a more desirable choice.

He turned in towards Annie. "Honestly?" he asked, and he wanted to hear it from her. Of course she would say yes in the middle of a counseling session, he reasoned, but he needed to hear her give him permission.

He was right about her answer. He took a deep breath. "I'm not sure we've been a team for a long time," he said and let the rest of the air escape in a sigh. He heard a quiet cough from Annie and a shift across the table. Was the doctor handing her a tissue?

"Auggie, this sounds like something you've put thought into. Would you elaborate?"

Auggie ran a hand through his hair as he ticked through the mental list he'd come up with over the week. All the times when she made choices without him in the last year- not just on the job, but ones that affected their personal lives, too. It seemed petty to give her a list of offending moments. Auggie tried to be vague. "There were just a lot of choices that were made without both of us," he starts because he doesn't want to throw her under the bus. "I feel like we fell out of being a team almost as soon as we'd managed to figure out we wanted to be one." It was almost the truth, although if he had to admit it, the team relationship at work had suffered quite a few blows even earlier than that.

"You mean going dark?" Annie asked, and Auggie detected some coldness in her voice. Auggie shrugged slightly in response.

"You made that choice on your own," he said quietly. He didn't add how he sometimes cursed her name for it on those long lonely nights.

"I did it because I had to!" Annie exclaimed. Dr. Wilkins must have signaled her to calm down because her next words were low and restrained. "I had to keep you and Joan and Arthur safe."

"Yea," he said, unable to hide the anger that bubbled to the surface. He wanted to remove himself from the situation. Talking about his feelings was never easy.

The tension between them was thick. Dr Wilkins broke the silence. "OK, let's take a moment and take a deep breath. Before things get heated, I want to remind you both that this is a safe place to express your feelings, and the other person should not invalidate those feelings. It's obvious that Annie going dark had ramifications for you both, which impacted you differently. But that doesn't make your experience more valid than your partner's." Auggie nodded. "Now Auggie, I'd like you to share with Annie what you remember about your thoughts and feelings when you realized her plan was to go dark."

Auggie tried to stay factual. "I started to piece it together when she called on the burner phone," he explained. "I didn't think she'd really do it, though, so I pushed the thoughts aside and kept working to find a way to take down Henry. When she called my cell, I knew the choice was made." Auggie thought back to that moment. He still remembered her words, felt his panic, heard the shots.

"Did you mean it?" he asked quietly.

"Mean what?" Annie asked, her voice equally low.

He didn't want to do this in front of the doctor, but the question escaped of its own volition. "What you said on the phone. I meant everything I said," he added. He hoped she remembered the exchange between them. He hoped she wasn't acting for the audience that day.

"I meant it," she said. Auggie's heart skipped a beat as he ran a hand through his hair. One of his many unanswered questions finally had an answer. He released a breath, and a small chuckle escaped. In an act of unfiltered adoration, he reached out a hand in her direction. He needed to know she was really there.

He felt her hand for a moment, then the connection was broken as she spoke. "Did you ever doubt it?" she asked. Auggie could only shrug in response. A silence fell between them, Auggie retracted his hand.

"Auggie, you did a good job about rehashing that day, but talk more about the feelings involved. How did you feel when she called on your personal line?"

Auggie swallowed. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. "Uh," he ran his hands through his hair and leaned forward again, "panic, mostly. I remember being absolutely terrified and trying to find something that I could say to change her mind. Despite all my training, all the experience, I couldn't figure out a way to get a step ahead. And then the shots." Auggie paused as he thought about that moment. His stomach still dropped out, even though he knew she was next to him. He decided to leave out the part where he tried to further destroy his already tossed apartment and the half bottle of Patron he drank before two agents showed up to escort him to Langley for questioning.

"I am sorry you had to hear that," he heard from his left. Annie's voice was quiet. "I should have told you the plan before, but I thought it might make me second guess myself."

Auggie sighed. "You're an agent, you'll always do what you need to for the mission. Neither of us can deny that." There was more of an edge to his voice than he'd intended.

"You say it like it's a bad thing," she responded. Auggie couldn't tell the emotion behind it. Was she masking anger, or actually hurt? Either way, he knew this was not going to make things easier.

"No," he said flatly. "It's not a bad thing, it's just the nature of our work. It consumes us, and it has to be priority number one." Another silence lingered between them.

"You sound like your priorities have shifted," Dr. Wilkins pried. Dammit thought Auggie. They do certainly hire the best around here.

He shrugged again. "I don't know. I've just been thinking there's a lot of people I've worked with who go home to an empty apartment every night. And even those who do find someone, there's an awfully high," he paused to search for the word, "combustion rate that I can't help but notice."

"Joan and Arthur made it," said Annie from his left.

Auggie chuckled. "That they have. Although I for one can say it's not a path I want to emulate. It's been trial after trial for them. Plus, one couple squeaking by compared to the hundreds of failed marriages that have fallen apart in the last five years alone in this building? The odds aren't good.

"Are you saying we won't make it?"

Auggie balked. His mouth clearly got ahead of his brain. He processed everything he said, only to realize that he believed it all. He knew that part of what drew him to Parker was the possibility of a normal life. One that didn't rely on shop talk over dinner. Auggie relished the idea that he could leave Langley and his work too. It backfired on him with Parker, because he couldn't tell her enough. It failed miserably with Annie because partners working together was what they knew, how they interacted.

Auggie shook his head. "No, that's not," and then he realized that maybe it was exactly what he meant. "I don't know," he finished lamely.

"I think we've hit on something really important here. I want you each to take your time and think about the question I ask you. Don't answer until you are ready. The question is, do you both want to continue with your personal relationship?" Dr. Wilkins' voice was quiet, her question hung heavily in the air.

"Yes," came the voice from beside Auggie, accompanied by a sniffle.

Auggie clenched his jaw and ran over the same thoughts he mulled over since she went dark. Could they be a typical couple- whatever typical meant for spies? Did she put an expiration date on them when she went dark? And despite all the rationalizing he did for his benefit, would he really have slept with Helen if he loved Annie half as much as he claimed to? And yet. And yet he thought about the moment in Barcelona when he pulled her from in front of the car and when she came back to him on the stairs. He thought about her lying in the hospital bed, about waking up in her bed after their first night together, about the nights at Allen's.

"Yes," he breathed quietly as he sat up straight.


End file.
